Why am I attracted to a man 20 years older than me. In men or women with Peter Pan syndrome or Cinderella complex, they tend to choose a partner who is considered to protect, nurture, and be used as a dependent. When someone is attracted to the opposite sex who is quite different in age, can it be said that he has these two syndromes?
Not necessarily like that. Many factors must be considered to determine whether a person falls into the syndrome. For example, the quality of his relationship with his parents, his childhood history, the history of interpersonal relationships, and others
if you are attracted to or have a crush on someone older there is no specific name for the condition. Then, must also look at the history of the person.
One possible factor is the Oedipus complex or Elektra complex, which is a psychological situation in which a person has a subconscious desire to have sexual relations with parents of the opposite sex.
For example, being interested in the father figure in the Oedipus complex and being interested in the mother figure in the Elektra complex. Usually, this condition is related to the person’s developmental period in childhood
Then from a psychological point of view, is it natural to be attracted to a man 20 years older than me?
Naturally. As long as the nature of the relationship is healthy and not harmful, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just that if it interferes with the functions of daily life, then you should be more careful.
Quoted from Men’s Health, Gary Lewandowski, Ph.D., head of the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University says men and women basically have different values for partners. For example, in the past, people thought that ‘value’ partners were men who were good at hunting and women who easily had children.
But now, the value in a partner can be in the form of money, status, and power in men while in young and physically attractive women. When we choose a partner, even though his age is quite far away, it could also be because he is a reflection of us. For example, if you choose a romantic partner, it’s because they are considered to represent you who is also romantic.
Another scientific side why am I attracted to men 20 years older than me?
Some women are attracted and choose a partner at an older age. There are 10 years to 20 years. Women may judge older men as mature and mature.
The myth that older men are considered attractive turns out to have something to do with scientific reasons. Professor Madeleine Fugere who is also the author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships provides scientific evidence. He stated that there is scientific evidence to suggest that older men are considered attractive.
It denotes a psychological and evolutionary phenomenon and is not just a cultural cliché.
Research in this area shows that not only are younger women attracted to older men but older men are attracted to younger women. The age difference becomes a comfortable situation for heterosexual couples.
In the study, the research team asked men and women about their age when choosing a partner. Men are more likely to say they want a female partner who is a few years younger and women are more likely to say they like a male partner several years older. This preference exists across cultures which suggests that it is almost universal.
Professor Fugere points out that this phenomenon continues throughout life. As men age, they prefer a younger partner while as they age, women continue to choose an older partner until around age 70.
In evolutionary terms, Professor Fugere says that for men the reason is simple. Men want to make sure that their potential partner is fertile. While women consider resources and establishment or wealth that older men may have.
An older partner may be in a better position to provide stability, he or she may also be more mature which girls may like.
Reasons why women are attracted to older men
For some women choosing an older man is so that they feel comfortable. This is because many older men have more mature minds. Some people have even managed to take their relationship to the level of marriage without blaming the age difference between the two. Well, here are the reasons why women like older men.
1. More confident.
The older man knows who he is. They have gone through a period of insecurity in their youth. They can also create a pleasant atmosphere and increase the confidence of those around them, including their partners. A study by a dating site also found that younger women have a high interest in older men because of their higher level of maturity.
2. Have more time to have fun.
There is a lot for a woman to love for an ambitious young man. An older man, deep in his career doesn’t have to spend 60 hours or more a week. They can stop work early on the weekends for the holidays.
3. More established.
An older man is much more likely to own a home than a young man. They spent years building him up and surrounding him with fun things to do. Financially independent women even prefer older men because they have more time to accumulate wealth.
Read also: Marriage Financial Planning Worksheet
4. Have a lot of money and know-how to spend it.
An older man has been able to save money over the years. The average older man can buy nice gifts for his woman. They can even pay for the trip without blowing up their credit card bill.
5. Know a lot of things.
An older man spends most of his time reading the newspaper, watching the news on TV. They have a lot of time absorbing knowledge from the media and they are happy to share it. Having an older partner, makes women learn a lot of new things like good jokes or weird facts that you don’t know.
6. Good communicator.
Some men are naturally great communicators, but we must learn the art of listening and connecting with experience. And older men are far more experienced at having meaningful and memorable conversations. In a Scottish study, women responded that they were attracted to older men because they were more likely to be emotionally stable.
7. Better in relationships.
Older men have learned how to interact with the opposite sex. They have also gone through the mistakes that young men make in a relationship. They know when to be honest about their expectations from the start.
If there is a problem, the older man will sort it out, and if all is well, he will take the relationship to the next level.
8. Have a clear appearance.
A woman no longer needs to teach a man how to tie a tie or know his suit size. She knows what to wear to suit her appearance. In fact, she has a favorite clothing store, customizing her clothes the way she likes.
All of this takes the time and experience that few young men have.
9. Get rid of bad habits.
It’s not uncommon for men in their 20s and 30s to stick to the habit of smoking cigarettes or staring at beautiful women on the street. As men get a little older, they are more likely to get over their bad habits. Maybe because they have seen the long-term negative impact when they were young.
10. Treat women better.
An older man has learned about the value of manners towards the women in his life. Not only does he open doors for his women and offer umbrellas when it rains, but he also has a lot of experience with approaching women.