When the sex stops in your relationship. Maybe in the early years of marriage, sex became a routine between you and your husband. But over time, a myriad of busyness and stress caused by the burden of the mind, sexless marriage, or marriage without sex can occur in your marriage.
Dense activities and energy that have been drained after a day of activities can cause changes in libido and sex drive to slowly decrease.
Is Sexless Marriage Fair?
When the sex stops in your relationship. If you find your bed life lately bland, calm, you are not alone.
Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, also agreed. “I have never met a partner who had not experienced a drop in passion or inappropriate frequency at some point in the marriage,” he said.
According to Jess, sexual arousal will fluctuate depending on the life and relationship of each partner.
“In a long-term relationship, if we choose to wait for the arousal to come by itself, then we will never have sex.” He explained.
Sexual stimulation is a complex process. The stimulation can occur physically as well as mentally. However, feelings of arousal can be difficult to arise if you have a really busy day or are mentally exhausted.
Sexless Marriage, the Decrease in the Allure of Sex in Marriage
Jess O’Reilly explained, Sexless Marriage can mean stopping having sex altogether or occurring in a very rare frequency.
Experts in the field say that six months without sexual intercourse can be categorized as marriage without sex. Even for some people, a month without sex is worrying enough.
Of course, this depends on each partner, how often do you have sex that is normal for you?
“Perception is more important than the data itself,” said Jess. “If you believe sex is the key to a happy relationship, but also experience sex without sex, then you are more likely to decide to end that relationship,” he added.
How Marriage Without Sex Can Happen
Keep in mind that being in a sex-free marriage does not mean that you and your partner are unhappy together or are not compatible anymore. A sexless marriage can look like a marriage relationship in general, some are classified as healthy and happy, and some are awkward.
“It depends on the views of each,” said Ramani.
Ramani explained, there are two possible causes for a sexless marriage.
“In some cases, this (marriage without sex) can be caused by two things that distract from the sexual relationship, namely the feeling of loss and financial pressure,” Ramani explains.
“In other cases, it is simply difficult and slow to feel connected to a partner. Then the feeling continued to be postponed so that one day the couple realized that it had been a long time since they last had sex, ”he added.
According to research, many couples begin to have less intense sexual intercourse and less with time.
Couples who are trapped in relationships like this are usually caused by various factors, such as children, work, long-distance relationships, mental health conditions, and so on.
How to bring sex back into a relationship
Even though you are no longer having sex now, that doesn’t mean it will be like that in the future. All it takes is a little more effort on the part of both parties to get the bed back to life.
Ramani suggested that couples should start by building good communication. Talk to your partner about what do you feel about this sexless marriage and what solutions can be done next.
“When you can’t talk with your partner, you’re having a bigger problem than sex,” she said.
It takes a long time to talk about your wife’s sexless life. The key is careful and efficient communication.
After knowing the cause of the sexless marriage in your relationship, find a solution based on these causes. For example, if stress is the main cause, try to settle things related to stress first.
Jess states that discussing what sex you want with your partner can do a lot. Whether you want sex only once a month or once a week, this should be discussed with your partner.
Then, the thing you can do is start rebuilding intimacy again. Simple gestures like touching, embracing, hugging, and kissing can restore physical intimacy.
“After the sense of intimacy has begun to return, sex will follow by itself,” he advised.
If you are not sure you can solve problems around when the sex stops in your relationship, a visit to a professional such as a marriage consultant or therapist can be considered.