Relationship problems in the first year of marriage. Often the bride and groom are busy preparing for the wedding but forget to prepare mentally to face the trials of early marriage. It is not uncommon for newlyweds to think that their married life will be just as happy as when they were dating.
Even though many things change when you get married. Starting from the attitude of the couple showing their real face, they have to adapt to a new family and so on.
These early marriage trials can become obstacles in building a household later if they are not addressed properly. Therefore, the bride or groom needs to anticipate and learn to deal with it.
why is marriage so hard the first year?
The original character of the partner that does not match expectations
When dating a partner is always cute but once married he turns like other people I don’t know.
This condition is the most frequent trial for why is marriage so hard the first year. A couple that seems to change, when in fact they don’t. Yes, it is true. Your partner hasn’t changed.
It’s just that when he was dating he showed his best side in front of you and hid the other side of the character. Since after marriage you have to live together and meet every day, he can no longer “hide”. So that the original character will appear in full. This is what is often seen as change.
It’s good that while planning a wedding, the bride and groom take time together to open up to each other and ask the couple if they can accept it. You don’t have to reveal all the dark sides or bad experiences in the past because after all, each person has the right to keep their own secrets.
However, if it is felt that it will affect future household relationships, you should just be open. If you are ready to live together, your partner will learn to accept it.
What about the prospective bride and groom who are not dating, matchmaking, or ta’aruf? Maybe the time to get to know each other is limited but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done, right? In this case, honesty is key. Ask the potential partner, to be honest, prepare a spacious heart and learn not to have too high expectations.
Personal changes after marriage become problems in first year of marriage
In addition to a partner who ‘changes’, personal change can also be a trial in the early days of marriage. Feelings of anxiety cannot be a good husband or wife according to the criteria of the ideal husband/wife. Feeling no longer free like being single and unable to be yourself. Feeling that you have a heavy burden of responsibility and so on.
The dream of a perfect household according to society’s standards is the cause of this excess anxiety. Recognizing the fact that not all marriages go smoothly, nor is it too scary to imagine it can be first aid.
Basically, marriage is to be lived, not to be feared. Don’t try too hard to be perfect. The most important thing is that both parties are happy.
Initial marriage trials can arise due to career and financial problems
The next early marriage trials were career and financial. In fact, not infrequently this problem can lead to divorce.
The majority of causes for divorce are driven by two big problems that are often experienced in divorce suits.
Namely, economic problems and endless disputes in fostering household. The issue of lack of responsibility in fulfilling the economic needs of the family is quite large in many divorce cases.
Before anything bad happens because of financial problems, both partners must be open and supportive of each other. Be honest about your income and accounts payable if any.
If the husband is still in the early stages of pursuing a career, the wife must be understanding and support him to reach the top. If the wife’s career is better, the husband must also be friendly and understanding, instead of feeling inferior and then making it an excuse to spark fights.
Responsibility cases must be divided according to ability, circumstances, and mutual agreement. Because in truth marriage is a collaboration, not a competition between husband and wife.
Large families who interfere become problems in first year of marriage
Not only parents or in-laws, other families such as in-laws, grandparents, uncles, and aunts also sometimes like to interfere at the beginning of the marriage. This trial is annoying and often stressful.
Getting married does not just unite two people but also unites two families. Both parties must be able to accept their respective partner’s families. However, this does not mean that the extended family can interfere in every household matter.
If possible, don’t live with your parents/in-laws after marriage to avoid conflict. If not, try to ingratiate themselves with them, find out what they like and what they don’t like.
Realize that they are family, not enemies to fight. They don’t always interfere with them, it’s really wrong. As a newbie, there’s nothing wrong with listening to senior advice from time to time, right? As long as it is not excessive and it is still by our values.
Energy-draining children’s problems
Perhaps this trial was not immediately felt at the beginning of marriage because generally, couples do not immediately have children. At least there is a span of time during pregnancy. However, it doesn’t hurt to be anticipated early.
Planning when to have this baby must be agreed upon by both parties. If you really want to have children right away, you must prepare yourself carefully.
Mentally and financially ready because caring for your baby requires tremendous energy. Not infrequently there are debates about parenting, the division of duties on guarding when the baby cries at night, and so on. Stress and fatigue after caring for a child all day can also lead to arguments.
Mutual understanding and support is the solution. If the husband has to work so that he cannot help with the care of the children at home, at least help lighten the work of the other wives.
Interestingly, this child trial is not only experienced by couples who already have children but also those who do not or do not plan to have children.
Not having children can also be a trigger for arguments and even reasons for infidelity. Meanwhile, couples who decide to child-free for any reason will get negative views from the community.
The solution, match the frequency with the pair. Believe in the values that you share, it doesn’t matter if they don’t match the standards of most people. The most important thing is mutual happiness.
Initial marriage trials can also take the form of negative comments from people around you
Still related to the initial temptation of getting married before, the voluptuous comments of other people often make you feel upset, emotional and draining. Some of them are used as material for other people’s comments.
Starting from wives who leave their careers for their children, husband’s finances are not smooth enough, children drink formula milk, different child care methods and so on. All those comments, if written, could become a book.
Thickening ears and being cool is the answer. No need to worry about pranks and mean comments. Moreover, it comes from other people who don’t contribute anything to our lives.
Intimate relationships do not go smoothly become problems in first year of marriage
The lack of satisfaction in having sex can also be a trial at the beginning of the marriage. Many causes, one of which is a lack of sexual knowledge. Expect an intimate relationship like in adult movies and get disappointed when your partner can’t fulfill it.
The prospective bride and groom require to have adequate sexual knowledge before marriage. The goal is to avoid misunderstanding and getting lost in myths about sexuality.
An intimate relationship between husband and wife is very important in a household. If a problem arises, it is better to open up, discuss it and find a solution together. Seek professional help if necessary.