Explain the factors to consider before marriage. “If you want to foster a lasting household, preparations before marriage must be considered. Love capital is not enough! ”
During the ten years I have been married, the advice of this old man still remains in my heart. Yes, yes … the capital for marriage is not enough with love, really. Especially if you want a lasting household.
In fact, how many couples are married in a dozen years or even decades who get married, then end up getting divorced? Where is the love? Lost? Or his love began to shift to another heart? Maybe.
The fact is, preparation before marriage, the capital is not enough only with love
To build a happy and lasting household, the capital is indeed not small.
Talking about marriage, maybe it is necessary to first understand what the meaning of marriage itself is. Marriage is a ceremony to tie the promise to be faithful for life. Not just a promise in front of the leader, our dear parents, including our partner, but a promise with God.
Pingkan Cynthia Belinda Rumondor, S.Psi, M.Psi as an adult clinical psychologist, especially in the field of relationships, analogizes marriage as the inauguration of the establishment of an institution or company.
“Like a company, this institution needs to have a vision and mission first. To achieve this vision and mission, of course it takes capital and skills. I think the capital is not enough with love …. ”
Read also: Relationship Advice For Couples To Survive Up To The Level Of Marriage
Preparations before marriage, anything?
According to Pingkan, to get married, there are several things that need to be known and understood first. Therefore, there are several questions that should be answered and discussed in advance with the couple so that they can have an agreement on the vision and mission of marriage.
Both future husbands and future wives must be able to have the same perception of the following matters:
1. What is marriage?
2. When you get married later, what kind of marriage do you want to build?
3. What are the duties of a wife or husband?
4. What is the goal of this marriage in the next 5 years?
5. If you want to have children, when is the time? How many children do you want to have?
6. When you have children, what kind of education or parenting do you want to apply?
7. What is the relationship with the extended family?
8. To what extent can the extended family interfere in household decisions?
9. What habits do you want to adopt and become unique in the family?
10. What about the financial arrangements?
11. After marriage, especially after having children, where do you want to live?
Reflecting on some of the questions above, of course, love for a partner is not enough as preparation before marriage, huh.
Besides love. there is a long list of preparations before marriage.
Even though it is still far from perfect, towards the 11th year of marriage, there are several lessons that I later understand if they can be used as preparation assets before marriage.
Pinkan emphasized these explain the factors to consider before marriage as capital to form a household
Emotional maturity
Before explaining the factors to consider before marriage. Marriage is like riding a roller coaster, sometimes it feels flat but one day it can give you an adrenaline rush. Make emotions peak, both by feeling happy and angry. That’s why emotional maturity is needed.
As Pingkan said, “Marriage is not always beautiful, there are winding roads and full of gravel. There are moments that make you upset, there are also moments that are easy to make you angry. So, married couples do need skills to regulate their emotions. ”
Effective Communication
Married couples of course need to understand each other, and according to Pingkan, the ability to understand each other is the result of effective communication that needs to be continuously trained.
“Communication skills, how to listen to each other and express them are also very important in a marriage,” he said.
Read also: What Are The 3 Most Important Things In A Marriage?
Financial
You already know, right, if the cost of having children isn’t cheap? The need for examinations during pregnancy, the process of childbirth, until the child is born and then will enter the school level.
Can you imagine the capital?
Yes, although all of this can indeed be collected little by little, what is certain is that all these needs need to be paid for in money. So it really needs to be prepared carefully first.
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Those are some preparations before marriage according to psychologists, for those of you who are undergoing marriage, maybe it can be refreshed, what was your original goal when you got married. And for those who are not married, try to practice the methods above, so that the marriage that is going to be lived can be lasting and happy.
I hope this information explains the factors to consider before marriage is helpful!